ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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