that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
