The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
