Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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