just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
