My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think your dad took our porno
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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