I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
