I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize