Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
