Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
