so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
