I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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