I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
