drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
