It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got inside last night via doggy door
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
