haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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