you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
