I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
