In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
