Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
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He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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