Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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