$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
