he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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