its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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