just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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