dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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