You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
