Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
