hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
