I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
