im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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