Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
