She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
