I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
