I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
