idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
