just come out here and I will go home with you...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
