Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
