I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
