True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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