Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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