no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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