i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize