just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
