I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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