I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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