Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
