1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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