Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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