nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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