I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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