We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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