I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
