Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Let's paint friendship bongs
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize