he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
