She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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