Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
