When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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