DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
