So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
whose parrot is this?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
