Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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