you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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