if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
