Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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