Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
