I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
