Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
