My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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