Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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