Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
