My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
MIDGETS
????
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
