you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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