I accidentally had phone sex last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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