I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
