I think i peed on brittanys purse
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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